The Christmas holidays are when we reconnect with loved ones, perfect cookie recipes, and shop for the best gifts—but they're also when we curl up nightly with an on-theme holiday movie. One of the most popular Christmas movies is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Doting father Clark Griswold (played by comedy legend Chevy Chase) just wants to give his family a "good old-fashioned family Christmas," but he can't seem to get his vision off the ground. Whether it's wonky exterior string lights, an ultra-dry turkey dinner, or a few too many glasses of eggnog, Griz (as Uncle Lewis calls him) is proof that it really is the thought that counts—because sometimes nothing else goes right. "I think it's holding up well," Chase said of the film in an interview for the Telegram. "For a lot of people, that's the way Christmas goes—so it's fun."
All in all, the movie is a lesson in Murphy's Law: Whatever can happen will happen. The movie's cozy setting and winter scenery is part of the reason it's so popular, but the writing is also laugh-out-loud funny. (The script is by John Hughes, the genius behind other '80s and'90 classics like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Home Alone.) Many of the cult-favorite quotes were actually improvised during the filming of the movie. "That shot on me and Beverly wasn't in the script, but it turned out," Chase told the Los Angeles Daily News. "I said, 'Yeah, you checked our (toilets), honey?' That's one of my favorites right there."
There's no shortage of quotable moments in the film. Ahead, we've rounded up 45 of its most memorable moments. Quote them at your next holiday party, needlepoint them on a pillow, and make them your new get-through-the-season mantras. Also, obviously, they're the best Christmas Vacation quotes for Instagram captions. Behold what are, without a doubt, the most iconic one-liners—and okay, two- to three-liners—from the movie.
45. "Clark, stop it. I don't want to spend the holidays dead." —Ellen Griswold
44. Audrey Griswold: "He worked really hard, Grandpa." Grandpa Art: "So do washing machines."
43. "She'll see it later honey, her eyes are frozen shut." —Ellen Griswold
42. "It's a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club." —Clark Griswold
41. "Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!" —Clark Griswold
40. "Your grandma's got a real painful bur on her heel. If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter." —Grandma Nora
39. "Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?" —Audrey Griswold
38. "It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room." —Clark Griswold
37. "You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant." —Uncle Lewis
36. "Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination." —Clark Griswold
35. "I'm sorry, this is our family's first kidnapping." —Ellen Griswold
34. "Is it plugged in?" —Ellen Griswold
33. "Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?" —Clark Griswold
32. "If that thing had nine lives, she just spent 'em all." —Cousin Eddie
31. "What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?" —Grandpa Art
30. "I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul." —Clark Griswold
29. "Wouldn't be the holiday shopping season if the stores weren't hooter than they—hotter than they are." —Clark Griswold
28. "Yes, it's a bit nipply out—I mean nippy out." —Clark Griswold
27. "Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!" —Clark Griswold
26. *sips eggnog* "It's good. It's good." —Clark Griswold
25. "Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down." —Ellen Griswold
24. "And why is the carpet all wet, Todddddd?" —Margo Chester (aka Elaine Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Griswolds' very annoyed and distraught neighbor—and can you blame her?)
23. Todd Chester: "Hey Griswold, where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?" Clark Griswold: "Bend over and I'll show you."
22. "If you want to come in you'll have to break down the goddamn door!" —Margo Chester
21. "I don't know what to say, but it's Christmas and we're all in misery." —Ellen Griswold
20. "I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas." —Audrey Griswold
19. "You better take a rain check on that, Art—he’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet." —Cousin Eddie
18. "When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!" —Clark Griswold
17. "Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer." —Clark Griswold
16. Clark Griswold: "Where's Eddie? He usually eats these things." Catherine, Eddie's wife: "Oh, not recently. He read that squirrels are high in cholesterol."
15. "I'm gonna catch it in a coat and smack it with a hammer!" —Clark Griswold
14. "Welcome to our home—what's left of it." —Ellen Griswold
13. "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?" —Clark Griswold
12. "You just march over there and slug that creep in the face." —Margo Chester
11. "Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone." —Cousin Eddie
10. "I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!" —Ruby Sue
9. "Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed—and brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do…." —Rusty Griswold
8. "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here." —Clark Griswold
7. "We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny-f—cking-Kaye." —Clark Griswold (Yes, we broke Clark's wild-eyed rant into multiple quotes on this list, since everyone has their own favorite part. If you prefer to quote the entire monologue at once, kudos!)
6. "Mom? This box is meowing." —Rusty Griswold
5. "Grace? She died 30 years ago!" —Aunt Bethany
4. "The BLESSSSSING." —Uncle Lewis
3. "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised." —Clark Griswold
2. "Save the neck for me, Clark!" —Cousin Eddie
1. "Merry Christmas! sh*tter was full!" —Cousin Eddie
Shop "Christmas Vacation"-Inspired Gifts:
Griswold Christmas Ornament
It's A Beaut Clark Mug
"Christmas Vacation" Tea Towel
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Candace Braun Davison
Deputy Editor
Candace Braun Davison writes, edits, and produces lifestyle content that ranges from celebrity features to roll-up-your-sleeves DIYs, all while relentlessly pursuing the noblest of causes: the quest for the world's best chocolate chip cookie.
Kelly Allen
Associate Editor
Kelly Allen is the Associate Editor at House Beautiful, where she creates design, culture, and travel content online and in the magazine. She’s been on the team since 2019, writing features on dreamy TV sets and movie filming locations, in-depth city guides, and inspiring home tours. From researching ethereal estates to discovering can’t-miss set decoration details onscreen, she’s always eager to answer burning pop culture questions through a design lens. In her five-year career, she’s built a strong network of designers across disciplines to tap for their invaluable expertise. Her background includes honing reporting skills while tackling viral news for Delish and contributing to Cosmopolitan’s entertainment coverage. When she’s not watching every new film and TV show, she’s browsing vintage home stores, attending industry events, and wandering around New York City—highlighting it all .
